Breathe Easy

In a world where every breath just seemed to prolong the painful inevitability that I would never escape the reality of my own emotional self-flagellation, I managed to escape, and I can finally breathe again.

Maybe it’s the distance. Maybe it’s the passing of time. Maybe it’s the therapy.

Maybe it’s You.

Your name, oh Lord, is like coming up for air.

I am rumble tumble in the darkness rough around the edges, but when I speak Your name –

it’s Your sun that peeks over the horizon and breaks into a smile at fleeing stars,

it’s Your waves that clash and clamor to lift a surfing playmate into glee,

it’s Your trees that applaud the beauty of the violets dancing among the daisies,

it’s You who holds the entirety of the universe in Your palms and yet

in my heart and in my lungs

– it’s You.

It’s Your name on my lips, it’s You in my lungs –

that so cold that it burns my nose and throat but I need more because

it hurts so good kind of You in my lungs

–  because we were not made for the shock

of having too much all at once, but when it happens, it is beautiful.

And in the murky depths of exploration experimentation,

my eyes have adjusted but my lungs still cry

so I break the surface and inhale with desperate need

Abba Daddy

Fill my lungs with your name!

In a world where every breath rattles through my skull with taunting clarity

and I wonder if it would just be easier to not breathe at all –

well, when I escape the confines of this world and the dusty corners of my thoughts

and step into the presence of the One Who Breathes Life –

Your name, oh Lord, is like coming up for air.

When I’ve held my breath for too long – because that voice in my head tells me

if you exhale, it all blows away

and I’ve learned never trust the good ones,

even more so never trust myself not to ruin the good ones,

so I’ve held my breath for too long –

that’s when I reach the point of crippling despair and just exhale in one long tired sob

because I can’t hold my breath or my sanity any longer without consequence

and that’s when You

– You who moves mountains and births Spring with one breath –

You plunge Your name into my heart and my lungs swell

with the sweet perfume of Your grace

and that’s when I know that I am alive.

Some will say that

if you exhale, it all blows away

but that’s just foolish because

Your breath gives me life in this world

and Your blood gives me life in the next.

They say the first thing a baby does is cry

but don’t you all know you can’t cry without a breath of life first,

and that no matter how sharp your cry against existence,

don’t you know that you only have to breathe and He will come?

Don’t you think He hears your cry before it even leaves your mouth?

I step into Your openness after the cramped closed quarters of my life

– and time and mortality and this blowing away world –

and my lungs know it before my head does:

I am alive

and by the grace of God,

I can breathe again.

Your name, oh Lord, is like coming up for air.


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